this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
