I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
