youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
this will be a night to untag.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
