Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
