Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
