What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
