He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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