no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
