She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
