I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
