why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
