I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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