this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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