also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
