And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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