I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
i think i just lost a toe
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
