everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
