Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
