I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
