Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
