I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
