I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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