I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
