Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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