But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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