I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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