I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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