We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
