"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
