Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
