We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I would fuck him just for his dog
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
