someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
