she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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