this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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