I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
