So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
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