it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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