already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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