Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
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