ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
