Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
