I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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