Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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