Who did Billy Mays play for?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
