i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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