She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
