Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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