If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
