ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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