I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
