Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
