Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
