Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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