So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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