Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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