physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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