the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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